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That’s the One Who Ain’t

I’ve been looking at some various discussions about whether God exists or not – arguments against His existence and arguments against the arguments. They always give the attributes of the God they are going to disprove—as if someone who doesn’t exist has attributes.
Anyway, it all reminds me of a little routine we used to do when I was a kid. My expanded version goes something like this:

Smith: I saw our old friend Microfiche a few days ago.
Jones: Microfiche, who’s that?
Smith: Swinburne Microfiche, surely you remember him.
Jones: Oh, Microfiche! The labmaster from the old school.
Smith: Yeah.
Jones: Old Swinney the Pooh.
Smith: Yeah. You remember him then.
Jones: You mean the guy who used to blow up a lab rat in the face of one unsuspecting freshman each year?
Smith: Yeah, he was notorious for that.
Jones: The one who lived over on the other side of the commons in the fieldstone house … with the lovely wild roses and Japanese lilacs.
Smith: Yeah, that’s him.
Jones:You mean Swinney Microfiche? The man who married the parson’s daughter Elena – what a lucky guy.
Smith: Yeah. You remember him. Just the other day I ran into him and he was saying …
Jones: Hmmm. Lemme get this straight. You’re talking Microfiche, the guy who always used to come to faculty evening functions in corduroys? His lack of evening attire always scandalized the dean’s wife.
Smith: Yeah, well …
Jones: You mean Microfiche the labmaster – used to tinker with Italian motorscooters in that shed behind his house. Knew how to relax, that fellow. Rare trait in one so thin.
Smith: Yeah, I think he did fool with motorbikes or some such. Anyway, as I was starting to say ….
Jones: Microfiche – Swinney Microfiche?
Smith: Yeah.
Jones: Microfiche, the rat-exploding labmaster?
Smith: Yeah.
Jones: Swinney the Pooh Microfiche, husband of Elena, the parson’s daughter.
Smith: Yeah, that’s him.
Jones: Microfiche, the scooter-fixer who you ran into the other day? The one with the wild roses and Japanese lilacs?
Smith: Yeah, you seem to remember him quite well.
Jones: Microfiche, Swinburne Microfiche.
Smith: That’s the one.
Jones: Never heard of him.